Pitching Upgrade: Achievement Unlocked!

Forget that Albert Pujols guy. The Marlins have moved on from signing the mega star to an interplanetary record deal and instead refocused their efforts. Ken Rosenthal (and everyone else now) is reporting the team and LHP Mark Buehrle have agreed to a four year deal worth $58 million.

Take a look at his FanGraphs page and it's pretty obvious why the Marlins wanted him. He fits all needs they were looking for in a starting pitcher; left handed, innings eater, consistently very good. It's possible too that his 3.83 ERA could come down playing in the new spacious Marlins Ballpark. Not to mention he is reunited with manager Ozzie Guillen. Reportedly they have a great relationship and hopefully that rubs off on the rest of the clubhouse.

As for the money, it's quite a lot. Buehrle will be 32 by the time the 2012 season starts so this deal takes him through age 35. For a pitcher who isn't quite a superstar, especially one who annually logs 200 innings and has never been injured, that's a gamble. The Marlins offseason hasn't exactly been an exercise in risk management. But hey, we aren't footing the bill so what do we care?  The question really is if the team's actions and attitude mean they will be spending like this every offseason, or tapering off after this year? We'll see

I asked on Twitter for a good mnemonic for remembering how to spell Buehrle. Your two winners:

• But Unlike Evil Hanley Ramirez, Lefty Excites! via @danspacesmith
• Better Use Every Hitter, Ramirez Lost Everything via @Apdirtybird

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Non-Hanley, Non-Pujols News

Via Business Insider, well, the title of their post says it all:

That Hideous Marlins Home Run Sculpture Is Going To Be HUGE

I know the consensus is that this structure is going to be ugly, but I think I'm going to like it.

I never thought I'd blog about the Marlins 4 times in one day in early December, but that was before the Marlins tried to become the Yankees...

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What He Said

SB Nation's Jeff Sullivan, on reports that Hanley Ramirez would rather be traded than play third base:

But they don't have to. See, it doesn't much matter how Hanley feels. I mean, it matters a little, but it isn't Hanley who's in control of this situation. The Marlins are in control of the situation, and if they play Jose Reyes at shortstop, and if they want to play Hanley Ramirez at third base, then Hanley Ramirez will end up playing third base. He'll suck it up and go out there, just as countless players before him have done.

The obvious comparison here is Michael Young. Young raised a stink when he was bumped from short to third, and he raised a stink when he was bumped from third to utility. He demanded a trade. He wasn't traded. He stayed with the Rangers, and the first time he was moved, he batted .322. The second time he was moved, he batted .338. People talk about Young as a leader. Young is a leader, despite his previous outbursts.

Continued...

The Marlins had Hanley Ramirez. Do you think they would've committed six years to Jose Reyes if they thought it would've caused a whole mess? Hanley will live, and the Marlins will be fine. Fine and fabulous.

Let's see what happens before we hang Hanley in effigy.

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Prince Albert

You're discussing an offer with WHO?

Marlins Up Offer to Pujols: Report

For serious, I feel like I'm living in a dream world right now.

Text message exchange Ted and I had earlier today:

Ted: This is very weird but I actually think the marlins shouldn't sign pujols.
Me: ME TOO! SO WEIRD.

Not that we don't love the idea of Pujols, H2R and Sr. #MONSTERDONG in the same lineup, but it'll get weird in 2018 when they make the rookies take turns feeding Albert his applesauce and changing his bedpan.

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Game Time

Q: Which of these headlines is not from a Bleacher Report post?

Miami Marlins Free Agent Signings Closely Resemble 1997 World Series Moves
Is Marlins' Hot Stove Spending a Prelude to Another Fire Sale?

A: This one. Summary: The last time the Marlins spent this much money, they had a fire sale a year later. Does that mean there will be a fire sale in 2012? POSSIBLY. How do we know? Jose Reyes does not have a no trade clause. DO I EVEN NEED TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU PEOPLE?

When I saw the headline in a Google Alert, I thought, totally BR. But no! Tortured analogies are all over the internet!

Also, apparently Yankees fans are capable of forming analogies now! Good work, guys!

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