Well That Went Well (Except for the One Thing)

Jose Fernandez tied a franchise record by striking out nine opposing batters on Opening Day, something only Josh Beckett had done before (in 2004). But when we think back on 2014 Opening Day years from now, our first thought will probably be about Jose's mom and abuela laughing at his weak third-inning groundout: 

click to embiggen, via

It was a good first start for the reigning Rookie of the Year, however. Here's his line in the Marlins' 10-1 win over Colorado:

6.0 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 0 BB, 9 K, 0.262 WPA

Last Miami did not score their tenth run of the season until Game 5. This can mean only one thing, as Ted texted me after the game: the Marlins will probably be shut out over the next 3 games.

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The First Pratfall of Spring

We waffled on whether we would tag this Misadventures of the Tangerine Troops, but in the end it was a no-brainer... But hey, who gives one shit about your kid when there is a chance to grab a baseball that retails for under 10?

Good luck, kid. Hope your dad doesn't pull the wagon near an open sewer drain or active volcano.

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The Miami Marlins' 2013 Season Summed Up in One Unforgettable Moment

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Summer's Almost Over

But the Marlins find new ways to keep things interesting.

Exhibit A:

I haven't seen that since a very drunken afternoon of kickball in my old rec league.

Onto Exhibit B:

The theory is that someone in the stands called off LoMo as if they were another player on the field. If that is the case then we tip our hats to the Nats fan who pulled it off.

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Chad Qualls Pulls Off the "Inadvertant Barrel Roll" With Aplomb

Nailed it:

Judges?

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Return of Misadventures of the Tangerine Troops

This one hurts us more than it hurts you, Giancarlo...

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Marcell Ozuna is now a Tangerine Troops All-Star

He's been on the team for barely a month, but Marcell Ozuna has rewarded us with some dynamite pratfalls. While the rest of us were watching Joey Crawford hijack the Eastern Conference Finals with his "officiating," Ozuna had a run-in with the Tropicana Field bullpen:

(Joey Crawford would have T'd up the mound for that...)

I give it 3.5 out of 4 Dan Ugglas.

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Marcell Ozuna Errs Efficiently

Marcell Ozuna pulled off the rare Huge Mistake That Costs His Team Nothing Tuesday night, completely losing sight of a fly ball that never returned to the park:

Ozuna was so believable that the broadcasters thought Venable's home run would fall for an out. He's damn near Loria-like in his ability to convince people that a disaster is not about to follow.

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Misadventures of the Tangerine Troops: An Entire Podium

Three medal winners in just the second game of the season!

Gold: If you've been following the team and/or our Twitter account, you know the Marlins offensive ineptitude knows no bounds. Still without a run for the season, they squandered perhaps their best chance yet in fine fashion.

Still a 0-0 game, the Fish led off the top of the 5th with a double by Ruggiano and oddly enough a walk by Miguel Olivo. Miami's Win Expectancy was up to 62.1%.

Then this...

The double play bad enough (a -.134 WPA and the Marlins would strand Ruggiano at third), Kotchman, who may only be on the team due to spring injuries, injures himself in an embarrassing tumble over the bag. He left the game and is day to day.

Silver: The next inning, Kevin Slowey's otherwise brilliant outing was spoiled when he allowed a home run to opposing pitcher Gio Gonzalez.

Bronze: Donovan Solano goes full-Uggla and allows a ball through his legs to lead off the seventh. That runner would later score to put the game out of reach at 2-0.

Fish try to avoid the sweep score runs today at 4:05pm ET.

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Misadventures of the Tangerine Troops: Vol VI

Can't believe we missed this play from Wednesday:

Via

That gif is just too beautiful for words.


h/t: Jonah Keri

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Misadventures of the Tangerine Troops: Vol. V

The Marlins' ninth-inning issues came back to the fore on Wednesday, and for once Heath Bell was not to blame. Replacing him with Steve Cishek couldn't prevent another blown save, but Cishek was not the main culprit. Instead, it was Sr. #MONSTERDONG himself, Giancarlo Stanton. With one out and the Marlins clinging to a 3-2 lead in the ninth, Carlos Lee hit a flare into shallow right field that turned into a triple when Stanton made an ill-conceived attempt at a diving catch. As the video shows, he had no chance at making the out, and should have allowed it to fall so he could field it cleanly and limit Lee to a single.

We are quick to praise Stanton for his spectacular physical gifts, but this looks like a case in which he assumed he would make the play because of those gifts. Even the superhuman among us must learn our limits.

Cishek struck out the next batter, but after a Chris Johnson walk, Brian Bogusevic singled to left and drove in Lee to tie the game. Just like that, Cishek lost his luster, bringing Bell one step closer to regaining his job.

Stanton photo via Yahoo

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Misadventures of the Tangerine Troops: Vol. IV

Heath Bell enters with a 2-1 lead in the ninth inning.

• Walks David Wright
• Retires Lucas Duda on groundout. right to second base
• Walks Ike Davis on four pitches
• Walks Josh Thole on seven pitches
• Battles for thirteen pitches, still walks Just Turner. Game tied.
• Scott Hairston hits into fielder's choice. Out made at home.
• Kirk Nieuwenhuis game winning hit.

Bell's third blown save in only five chances.

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Misadventures of the Tangerine Troops, Vol. III (The Inning from Hell)

The Marlins farted away a game in epic fashion Saturday night, and in the process gave us a nominee for worst fuckup of the season. There are so many tangerine dunce caps to go around for Saturday's effort, perhaps the beat writers will start mentioning them in the same breath as Lo Viste t-shirts.

"Closer" (I'm using that word lightly here) Heath Bell entered the game in the top of the ninth inning with a 4-1 lead over the Houston Astros. At the time the Marlins' win expectancy was 97%. After Chris Snyder flew out to left field to start the inning, that number rose to 99%. Bell proceeded to give up the following:

• Double to Jose Altuve, advanced to third when Emilio Bonifacio bobbled the ball after it bounced off the right-center wall
• RBI single to Travis Buck

Altuve's double, it bears mentioning, was totally catchable, but Bonifacio took a bad angle on the ball and had to reach at an awkward angle in order to make a catch (which he did unsuccessfully). It's okay, it's not like Bonifacio has been playing infield all his life (oh, wait...).

The Inning from Hell continued:

• Jordan Schafer reached base on a catcher's interference by John Buck. 
• Jed Lowrie flies out to left field.

Now there are two outs, and the Marlins still have a 2-run lead (albeit with 2 Astros on base). Miami's win expectancy is now at 93%

• JD Martinez hits an RBI single, Schafer advances to third
• Carlos Lee hits an RBI single, Justin Maxwell (pinch-running for Martinez) advances to third

Now the score is tied, and Bell's afternoon is mercifully over. Randy Choate steps in to face B Bogusevic, and then this happens: 

Oy.

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Misadventures of the Tangerine Troops, Vol. II

John Buck went 2-4 with an RBI, but still manages to get Least Valuable Player honors for last night's frustrating loss to the Phillies (Joe Blanton? Really?!).

There was this stumbling attempt to catch a foul pop-up. This was no crime, the ball was really uncatchable, but it was funny nonetheless.

Later, a more serious offense, when he dropped another foul pop-up. Albeit the degree of difficulty was high (he was leaning over the dugout railing), but if you're a big league catcher stealing making $6 million, and the ball hits your glove, you have to come up with that.

Just a couple pitches later, Ty Wigginton hit a long solo home run to extend the Phillies lead.

And to round things off in the ninth inning, the Marlins put the tying runs on base with just one out. John Buck predictably hit into a game ending double play (-.149 WPA).

Tangerine dunce hat for you Mr. Buck! Welcome to the club.

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Misadventures of the Tangerine Troops, Vol. I

The whole Reyes at SS, Hanley at 3B thing is off to a hot start¹:

Meh, game one didn't go exactly as planned. JJ was touched up early and the Fish couldn't muster much offense. Good thing the roof will be closed most games, because hard hit balls seemed to die out in the expansive centerfield. Even potential #MONSTERDONGS are no match for that warm coastal breeze.

On to the next one, Marlins at Reds at 4pm today.

¹To be fair, the two made a couple of slick plays later in the game, and this flub didn't end up costing any runs.

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