We're not taking the Jose Fernandez news too well...

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Week In Review

Overview: The Marlins dropped two of three to the Nationals but swept the Mariners for a 4-2 home stand.
Positives: The bats have mostly woken up and the starting pitching has been very nice. The Fish were able to win two close ballgames against Seattle. Giancarlo Stanton, M.D. remains piping hot to start the season.
Negatives: Mike Dunn is still doing Mike Dunn things. The bullpen as a whole leaves some to be desired, but if they didn't, what fun would that be?
Line of the Week: Henderson Alvarez's start on Saturday night,, an efficient 90 pitch complete game shutout, was arguable as good as his no-hitter last September.

W, CG, 9 IP, 0 R, 2 H, 0 BB, 4 K

Internet MVP of the Week: This super #TURNT fan who wasted no time hopping into the Clevelander pool to retrieve Marcell Ozuna's home run ball. That's good hustle.

 Highlight of the Week: Nothing makes us feel more happy in the pants than a #WALKOFFMONSTERDONGGRANDSLAM

Looking Ahead: Miami travels to Atlanta for three and to New York for a weekend series with the Mets.

FYI: I (Ted) will be attending Tuesday night's ballgame, a Jose Fernandez start, at Turner Field. If any Atlanta/South-based Marlins fans are going, tweet @tedhill or @MarlinsDiehards. I'll buy you a beer and we can share Quilvio Veras stories.

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Off-Day Guide

What to do while you're dreaming of a competent bullpen...

TV

• Bad Boys, ESPN, 7pm: The newest 30 for 30 documentary, about the late-80s Detroit Pistons. 
• NHL Playoffs: Chicago at St. Louis, 7pm, NBCSports: if you're into that sort of thing...
• Community/Parks and Rec, NBC, 8pm: Season finale for Community, which has been stellar in Dan Harmon's return from exile. 
• NCIS, CBS, 9pm: Watch it, then you'll have something to talk about with your parents (for once)!
• Scandal, ABC, 9pm: Watch it, then you'll have something to talk about with your boring friends!

Book

Since the Marlins will host Seattle over the weekend, take a gander at Where'd You Go, Bernadette, the second novel from Maria Semple. Set in my adopted home, it is a fun read about a Seattle transplant who gets progressively unhinged as the plot develops. It is worth your time, and if you've lived in Seattle you'll find the sections where the main character complains about her home to be very true to life. Semple used to write for Arrested Development, and her comedic chops are strong.

Miscellaneous

The Jonah Keri podcast made its triumphant return this week, now part of Grantland's podcast lineup. Listen to it here, and try not to get the best theme song in podcasting stuck in your head.

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Giancarlo Stanton Came to Fornicate

The Marlins took an eight-game losing streak into Tuesdsay night's game against the Nationals, and with Stephen Strasburg taking the hill against the Marlins it looked like that 8 could turn into a 9 by night's end.

Then Sr. #Monsterdong took the bull by the horns and unleashed some hot sex on Marlins Park:

It was Stanton's fifth home run of the season, going 457 feet to one of the deepest parts of Marlins Park. According to ESPN Stats & Info, Stanton has 3 of the 4 longest home runs of the young season. It was also the longest home run Strasburg has given up.

Stanton is off to a very hot start (5 HR, 21 RBI, .635 slugging%), and it is as if he knows 2014 is the year he will either secure a long-term contract offer from the Marlins or be traded to the highest bidder. Stanton is letting everyone in baseball know just how valuable he is.

Honorable mention goes to Tom Koehler, who stranded one hit and five walks over seven scoreless innings. His inside pitch to Ian Desmond in the fourth inning very nearly started something, as Desmond took offense and precipitated a little argument with Jarrod Saltalamacchia. Sadly, it turned out to be one of those benches-emptying stand-around affairs. 

Jose Fernandez will take the hill tonight as the Marlins attempt a series win.

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Let's Just Keep Thinking About That First Week

Hey, remember when the Marlins steamrolled Colorado and San Diego en route to a 5-2 record to start the season?

That was awesome.

Two straight series sweeps at Washington and Philadelphia, and the Fish are right back where everyone expected them to be:

The Marlins' poor play prompted this exchange between your fearless bloggers:

But hey, at least we can watch this #Monsterdong over and over until we forget about last week:

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