10 Players All Marlins Fans Should Hate

A couple weeks ago, my buddy Alex informed me of an article on AskMen.com about the ten baseball players all fans should hate. It was an intriguing read and as a Marlins fan it was a good list (no Marlins on the list and it did contain several Marlins rivals). I know there will be some overlap, but I decided to make a list of the ten players all Marlins fans should hate. Here we go.

10. Emilio Bonifacio. You know I hate to put one of our own on this list but lets face it, he is pretty maddening. Don't take my word for it. Here is part of what Adam Smoot of Bright Orange Seats had to say.

"Wow. If Marlins fans could punch one player in the face, without repercussion, it would, no doubt, be Bonifacio. . . Let me state this plainly. Emilio Bonifacio should not be in a Major League lineup. Ever. He can’t hit, draw walks, bunt or field a ball cleanly. He’s, clearly, great at one thing and one thing only–being fast. Awesome. So, essentially, the Marlins have the leagues best pinch-runner. He’s the Ted Ginn, Jr. of Major League Baseball."

9. Freddy Sanchez. This list wouldn't be complete if it didn't have a Pittsburgh Pirate, the team that owns us. Fun fact, did you know nearly 10% of all Pirates victories come against the Marlins, despite only playing them 6-8 times a year?¹ Freddy has helped many of those victories by doing what he does best, hitting home runs and outslugging everyone. What's that? He just hits singles, and still gets clutch RBIs? Damn. Often times he doesn't even get loud singles, he just pokes it and somehow it finds a way through. If that weren't enough, he provides plenty of above average defense whenever we are in town.

8. Jose Reyes. Had this list been complied one or even two years ago, Jose may have been at the top. He and Hanley Ramirez were always linked as the shortstop All-Stars of the future, but often people would prefer Reyes because they thought he had more potential know he plays in New York. Luckily for us, Hanley has continued excelling and improving while Reyes has gotten hurt and had a few poor Septembers. This doesn't mean we should stop hating him though. We know once he comes back and has a 4-5 day at the plate people will vault him right back to #1 on their lists. Also, the arrogance he carries himself with makes Emilio Bonifacio seem humble.

7. David Wright. Similar to the Reyes-Ramirez comparisons, Wright and Miguel Cabrera were often linked, but that isn't the real reason he is here. He is the face of the New York Mets, mainly because females tell me that it is a gorgeous face. He also made the AskMen.com list. Here's a sample of what they said:

It’s possible Wright sought counseling of his own after two straight Mets September collapses, from which he somehow remained bulletproof in the eyes of his fans.

6. Chipper Jones. The list would not be complete without an Atlanta Brave, and who deserves to be on it more than our good friend Larry. He seems to be universally hated in the baseball world, unless you play for or are a fan of the Braves. He has that quiet arrogance and just seems like that guy at a party who feels everything is just so beneath him. I guess he has a right to feel that way when playing the Marlins because he has some terrific career numbers against them (.314% BA, 37 HR in 199 games).

5. Joe Girardi. I know he is not a player, but I don't care. He makes the top ten for three reasons. One, in his only year of managing the Fish, he sent a young Josh Johnson back out to the mound after a lengthy rain delay. This is the act that many believed injured his elbow, requiring Tommy John surgery, and robbing us all of a year of delight, watching the brilliant JJ. Two, despite his great success, he could not get along with team owner Jeffrey Loria and was eventually fired. I think he might be the only manager to get fired after winning the Manager of the Year award. Finally, he sealed his hate from Marlins fans when he took over for the Yankees, replacing one of very few Yankees I respect (Joe Torre).

4. Ryan Howard. He is tough for me to include because I actually respect Howard. You know the Marlins respect him too by taking a look at his career stats through 71 career games against the Marlins, which includes 19 intentional walks. Unfortunately for the Fish it also includes a .309 BA, 23 HRs and a 1.089 OPS. He just owns us, and when he hits a bomb it feels that game is certainly over.

3. John Smoltz. You might be sensing a theme here. Smoltz is another guy who loves facing the Marlins. It was bad enough when he was an ace starter in the 90's and then he had to convert to a closer and be even more dominant. Lifetime against the Fish he is 15-6 with a 2.72 ERA and 20 saves (without blowing one, if I recall correctly). Lucky for us, he wasn't healthy in time to face us this year or the ERA would have lowered and another one would have been tacked into the win column.

2. Alex Rodriguez. He made the AskMen.com list and the reasons they have laid out are good enough. I'll also add though that he was once a great poster child for baseball in Miami. He was a number one pick and ascended to one of the best players in the game. Then he signed an outrageous contract and the downfall began.

Those five tools are obvious on the field, but as soon as he steps off, he’s just one big tool. Hating A-Rod is a no-brainer, but let’s really consider his idiocy for a moment. Besides the PEDs, Madonna, the strippers, call girls, self-love, magazine pictures, and every other embarrassing footnote in what should have been a storied career, the guy just doesn’t get it.

1. Jamie Moyer. 15 starts, 13-2 record, 2.83 ERA. Incredible. Those are his numbers against the Marlins which are extraordinarily better than his career numbers. Even though he has pitched better later in his career, his dominance of the Fish is mystifying. Marlins hitters just can't adjust to batting practice fastballs and changeups with little movement. Maybe for his next start we should wear our BP caps and put the cage up behind the plate. [Dave: At least he wears his stirrups with class. I still don't like him though...]

¹ This is not proven. It is only my amateur math and logic skills that believe they have beaten us about six times a year, and win around sixty total games every year, thus nearly 10%.