A spending tip for the Marlins

As just about everyone has reported, the MLB Players Association have compelled upon the Marlins to increase their payroll from "embarrassingly low" to "uncomfortably low." Allow me to take this opportunity to suggest a few guidelines on increasing payroll in a responsible manner.

DO give Josh Johnson a 4-year deal and a raise. He won't disappoint.
DON'T make anymore offers for Pudge. It's not worth it.
DO hire bloggers. I would totally earn my six-figure salary.
DON'T blow it all on Emilio Bonifacio. Why pay $6 million for Boni when you can get at least three subpar infielders for that price?
DO hire an extra over-the-hill bench player. Guys like Wes Helms and Luis Gonzalez get injured, cause they're old. This is how the Royals avoid getting hammered for low payrolls, remember when they signed Doug Mientkiewicz?
DON'T hire anymore Marlins Manatees. It wasn't that funny to begin with...


UPDATE: What's that, you want real analysis? Then go here.