Well Done, Onion

From The Onion:

Historic Seat-Covering Tarp To Be Part Of New Marlins Stadium

Miami—In honor of the team's storied past, the Florida Marlins announced at a press conference Tuesday that their new stadium would prominently feature the seat-covering tarp that has remained a constant during their 18 years at Sun Life Stadium. "We can't imagine a Marlins game that isn't played in front of an unbroken sea of smooth, empty teal," team president David Samson said as a screen behind him displayed a computer-generated animation of the giant tarp being lowered onto 9,000 empty seats in a new stadium. "That old tarp has been gloriously unfurled for 18 opening days and two World Series, and we're not going to just abandon it. Besides, the new facility will have 37,000 seats, so I'm pretty sure we'll find a use for it." Samson assured fans the ballpark would also feature modern amenities such as sleeker, more modern tarps to cover the entire upper deck and the Marlins' dugout.

To quote Dave Barry, "This would be funnier to those of us who live in Miami if we weren't building an expensive new baseball stadium for the benefit of a zillionaire team owner and his multimillionaire players even though the vast majority of us never go to actually watch them."