WARNING: This gif may make you cry

Sr. Monsterdong left Monday night's game with a leg owie, and now the Diehards haz a sad:

The team is calling the injury a right hamstring straing. More to come, obviously.

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Return of the #Monsterdong

It took 24 games for us to get the first #Monsterdong of 2013, but Giancarlo Stanton made it count:

Made all the better by Dave Van Horne's call. Good choice, MLB.com video intern! 

Stanton did not take long to hit his second #Monsterdong, doing so in the first inning of Sunday's series finale with the Cubs. We can bear the intense suckitude of the 2013 Marlins so long as it is served with a heaping side of Stanton homers. 

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Hope Your Week Was Better Than This Guy's...

What's the only thing worse than getting arrested for cocaine trafficking? If you answered "Getting arrested for cocaine trafficking while sporting a Florida Marlins face tattoo," then YOU'RE CORRECT!

Via Miami New Times

Normally I feel a tinge of guilt when reading the New Times' Mugshot Friday post, but not this time!

From the arrest report:

Arrested: 4/23Charges: Cocaine Trafficking, Drug and Firearm Possession

As an aside, from now on when I hear someone complain about the demise of the old Marlins logo, my retort will always be: "If you like it so much, where's your face tattoo????"

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Jeffrey Loria is Still the Worst

We like to call Jeffrey Loria "George Steinbrenner with Less Money," and his latest move is pure Stein:

Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria personally mandated the lineup card change that flip-flopped starting pitchers Jose Fernandez and Ricky Nolasco in a doubleheader Tuesday and left Marlins players furious with his continued meddling, three sources with knowledge of the situation told Yahoo! Sports.

Loria insisted Fernandez, the team's prized 20-year-old rookie, pitch in the first half of the doubleheader at frigid Target Field instead of the scheduled Nolasco because the day game was expected to be warmer. The temperature at Fernandez's first pitch (38 degrees) was actually colder than at the beginning of Nolasco's start (42 degrees).

Nevermind the fact that the difference between 38 degrees and 42 degrees to someone who has lived below the 30th parallel all his life isn't even noticeable, it's as if Loria wants Redmond to fail. We're not huge proponents of team chemistry, but forcing your rookie manager to break protocol and give a 20-year-old rookie privilege over a veteran and staff ace is not exactly a great clubhouse move.

Indeed, if Loria was truly concerned about Fernandez' arm in the cold Minnesota weather (a legitimate concern), he should have asked Redmond to skip his start. The Marlins would have had to call someone up from the minors to pitch for him, but that happens often for double-headers. Instead, he gets to read another round of press about what a terrible owner he is. Nice move, Jeff!

UPDATE: Loria says he didn't do it.

"I had nothing to do with the decision," Loria told FOXSports.com on Friday. "I was informed of the decision by the baseball department. I told them it was their call.

"I don't make decisions on who to pitch and when, how to go about it — that's not my role. Sometimes they call me and tell me what they're doing. But I don't call them up and say, 'This is what is going to happen.' That's not true."

Loria could certainly be telling the truth, but his past actions have not exactly made him a trustworthy character. Certainly there will be more to follow.

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Series Recap: ALL OF THE L's

Overview: The Marlins lost three of four in Cincinnati.
Positives: The Miami Heat playoff run starts in two hours.
Negatives: It's hard to overstate how poor the Fish have been this year. They've yet to win back to back games and less than a month into the campaign, they're already eleven games under .500. And you know what the worst part of all is? I never learned to read. We still has no MONSTERDONGZ. :(
Line of the Week: [vacant]
Highlight of the Week: Placido Polanco made a nifty scoop and throw to end a Reds threat. 
Looking Ahead: The team takes a brief trip to Minnesota for two against the Twins.

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