Admit it, you felt a thrill when this happened

Everyone's favorite baseball owner nearly died at the hands of LeBron James last night. Surely you've already seen the video above, so let's skip the recap and go straight to the jokes!

LeBron says he wants a hat. Loria gave Hanley Ramirez a horifically blingy chain for winning a batting title. LeBron basically saved Loria's life. That is worth at least a gauche crown or two.

Also: Shoulda been you, Samson. Shoulda been you...

Unrelated: I was looking for something in my NBCMiami archive (seriously, I needed to find a link for another story, I was not reading my own stuff and marveling at my pithiness, I swear), and I found this gem: No one invited Chris Volstad to the Marlins' uniform unveiling, he thinks that means he's on the outs in Miami. Read that one right on the money, Chris! Good job.

Finally, in burying the lede: Ted and I are of course going to redesign our banner since it no longer makes sense. But we're both kinda busy, so we haven't had time to dick around in Photoshop. Perhaps you can help! We've got some ideas we want to play with, but would be open to input and will give you a certain amount of creative autonomy. We won't pay you, but Ted may buy you a beer sometime, and we'd proclaim you to be the finest gentleman (or gentlewoman) in all the land using our lightly-read Marlins blog as a trumpet. Hit one of us on Twitter or Facebook if you're interested.