Series Review

We are back, baby!

Overview: The Fish have started brightly, winning three of four at home against the Rockies.
Positives: The bats have turned up in a big way. Miami scored ten in the opener and plated eight in the finale. Even the middle games had the team scoring more than the two or fewer we saw so often last year (47% of games, according to the TV broadcast). The bullpen is also off to a nice start. Steve Cishek saved two games, upping his streak to 31 opportunities converted in a row, plus the Carlos Marmol Express has made two stops without derailing.
Negatives: The lone loss of the series did see the some fielding woes rear their ugly head. Henderson Alvarez had a bit of a rough outing.
Line of the Series: The nod goes to Jose Fernandez, who dazzled in his six innings.

W, 6 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 0 BB, 9 K

Highlight of the Series: There were other candidates, but did you really think we'd choose something other than the first #MONSTERDONG of the 2014 campaign?
Looking Ahead: The club stays home for a three game set with the Padres. Jose Fernandez pitches Saturday night, so don't miss it.

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Someone Can Expect a Bill From Mr. Loria...

Giancarlo Stanton is doing his best to convince us that he is not a man, but a superhuman baseball-crushing machine sent from the future. On Monday night, he absolutely crushed a Jamie Moyer pitch with the bases loaded, giving him his second grand slam of the year (and his 9th home run of the season).

Here is the video:

Carlos Zambrano's reaction in the dugout might be the best part. At least Moyer can rest assured knowing he looks dope in his old-fashioned stirrups...

It wasn't enough that Stanton gave every male Marlins fan on the planet an baseball boner with that shot, though. He also broke the Marlins Park video board (photo below via Joe Capozzi). That's how legends are made.

Stanton's slam led blog-friend SCWS to ask for Giancarlo-related haikus via Twitter. We responded with a pair:

Grand slam? I'm having

trouble hiding my Stanton

boner on the bus

--

One day #Monsterdongs

will be FDA-approved

treatments for ED

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The most Marlins loss of the season

@robneyer: McKeon takes out his closer, brings in the lefty specialist, Giambi crushes a 1-and-2 pitch for a line-drive, three-run, walk-off job. Wow.

The Leocoaster strikes again, and wastes a genuine (if Coors Field assisted) #Monsterdong!

/sadtrombone

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