This is the funniest thing ever

Poo-poo cards and pee-pee cards. The 2003 Marlins were about as mature as a Boy Scout troop:

"In between innings they'd [Josh Beckett and Brad Penny] go to the clubhouse to get a drink or hang out," McKeon recalled this afternoon from his home in North Carolina.

"I said, 'Hey, I got no rule against going up if you have to go to the bathroom or something, but get back.' A couple of times I looked down the bench to talk to somebody and they weren't there. They were in the clubhouse. So I went up and got them out and said, 'OK, boys that’s it. We'll lock the door.'"

McKeon told that same story in June, after he took over as Marlins manager when Edwin Rodriguez resigned. In June, McKeon was a little more animated in his recollection of what he did in 2003: "I would go in clubhouse with bat and (say) 'get your asses out of here!' I locked the clubhouse."

McKeon recalled in June how he handed out what he called "poo-poo cards and pee-pee cards. Put them where I was sitting (in the dugout), so if you wanted to go to bathroom you had to get a card. That broke it up."

Never change, Jack, never change.

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It's Ozzie

He won't be wearing this uniform, but you get the idea...

Ozzie Guillen is your new Marlins manager. And all it will cost the team is a pair of minor leaguers.

The Chicago Sun-Times reported Monday night the White Sox released Guillen Monday afternoon after he met with team owner Jerry Reinsdorf for an emotional goodbye.

Guillen told his players that Monday night's White Sox game against Toronto would be his last, and he is expected to fly to Miami Tuesday morning.

In return for declining a team option on Guillen for 2012, the White Sox retained the right to compensation, which the Marlins will send in the form of two minor leaguers.

I'm pretty sure there is no one left in the farm system that is untouchable these days (save maybe for Matt Dominguez), so it's hard to get too upset about trading anything for a manager.

Besides, at least it will keep the Marlins interesting, even if it's the train-wreck kind of interesting.

Jack McKeon had a few nice things to say about Ozzie, but he wasn't about to start pretending that a manager can actually make his players play better. He was asked what he thought Guillen brings to the Marlins, and replied:

You got me. Ozzie ain’t going to bring anything,. The players are going to bring it. Ozzie's a colorful guy. You guys will love him. You’ll have a lot to write about. He's a colorful guy. He knows this game.

What he can bring, it's like anything else. Good managers are (as good as) their good players.

McKeon never fails to say what is on his mind, and if nothing else, Guillen will more than make up for the loss of McKeon in that regard.

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Adios, Trader Jack

Jack McKeon in happier times

To the surprise of just about no one, Jack McKeon announced his retirement this afternoon. Let the Guillen/Valentine/reincarnated spirit of Casey Stengel rumors begin!

Too bad McKeon's second term as manager did not have nearly as many highlights as his first, but he always kept things interesting and rarely bit his tongue. There are only two managers in our pantheon, and Trader Jack is one of them (Earl Weaver is the other, as if you had to even ask). We'll miss him.

Related content: The MDH Short List of New Manager Candidates

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The most Marlins loss of the season

@robneyer: McKeon takes out his closer, brings in the lefty specialist, Giambi crushes a 1-and-2 pitch for a line-drive, three-run, walk-off job. Wow.

The Leocoaster strikes again, and wastes a genuine (if Coors Field assisted) #Monsterdong!

/sadtrombone

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Trader Jack Don't Care

From Businessweek:

When he told his players they couldn't hang out in the clubhouse during games, they knew he was serious; in 2003, McKeon locked the clubhouse doors and required players to hand him bathroom passes when they couldn't hold it in any longer. He may be the only 80-year-old man who is willing and able to go three hours without peeing.

Also:

"I used to be a very strong disciplinarian," says McKeon, sitting in the Oakland Coliseum one recent afternoon as his players take batting practice. "Then I decided to back off a little bit. I don't use the hearing aids because I don't want to see a lot of things, and I don't want to hear a lot of things."

We've got another month or two before the media (outside Miami) loses interest in McKeon. Until then, I will enjoy the quotes.

h/t Fish Stripes

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Managing LoMo and HanRam

Baller. via SCWS

Day 1, and Trader Jack is already disrupting the daily routine:

Jack McKeon wasted no time sending a message to his team on the first day as interim manager. He benched starting shortstop Hanley Ramirez for the team's game against the Angels Monday night.

The reason? Ramirez showed up to the clubhouse late on Monday afternoon, missing a 3:30 pm team meeting called by McKeon, according to the Palm Beach Post.

This might not be a big deal in the long run, but it bears noting that unlike with the past two managers (Fredi and Edwin), McKeon is firmly entrenched in the Jeff Loria Golden Circle. Hanley can't reasonably expect Loria to take his side in a dispute with the manager this time. Surely, there is more to come.

Meanwhile, in lineup setting news:

McKeon said he didn't know where he would put Ramirez in the lineup once he is back in it. But McKeon said he likes having Logan Morrison hit second and Gaby Sanchez third.

"He's the type of guy that gets a base on balls," McKeon said of Morrison. "I like having two pretty good hitters up there in the first inning."

Where have we heard that before?

Finally, turns out Chris Coghlan has been sucking because he's injured:

Former leadoff hitter and center fielder Chris Coghlan, who was supposed to be on his way to Triple A New Orleans, is now on the disabled list with left knee inflammation after his option was voided because of the injury.

This is the same knee he injured last year in that walkoff celebration. Someday, pro athletes will realize hiding injuries is a dumb move which only hurts their team. Until then, I will continue to think most pro athletes are dim.

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That Didn't Take Long

Juan C. Rodriguez:

McKeon says he didn't start Hanley because he didn't like the way he was running Sunday.

I'm sure Hanley Ramirez will react to his benching in a calm and measured way, and this will be but a footnote in the coda to McKeon's coaching career. Nothing to see here, move along now...

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Trader Jack is Back

It is officially official:

McKeon made no promises in this afternoon's press conference, but acknowledged that the Marlins have enough talent to compete for a playoff spot. "There is enough talent in that room to maybe play in October," he said.

He did warn, "I'm not a miracle worker," though. With the Marlins sitting 12.5 games behind the first-place Philadelphia Phillies (and 7.5 games back in the NL Wild Card Standings), the team would have to finish the season 58-22 to win 90 games and reasonably expect to be in the playoff hunt.

The odds are slim, but at the very least, McKeon keeps things interesting for the rest of us. Plus, maybe LoMo teaches the old man how to use Twitter.

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The Time Trader Jack Swindled a 12-year-old Hammer

Via Baseball Nation comes a tale of Jack McKeon's interactions with a young Hammer, who A's owner Charlie Finley took under his wing in the 1970s. It's great because it elucidates the bizarre nature of Finley's ownership ("little Hammer was the owner's West Coast eyes and ears, picking up the telephone to update Finley with game action and the goings-on in the Oakland clubhouse.") and McKeon's willingness to fuck with Hammer for the hell of it:

"We used to sit up in Charlie's office and guess the attendance. I'd bet him a few bucks,'' McKeon says. "But I happened to know how to get in touch with the attendance guys. I'd call down and say 'what's it look like tonight?'

"The closest one wins, so I used to take Hammer to the cleaners.''

That's some bad foreshadowing for Hammer, btw.

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Happy Birthday Jack

In our heart of hearts, there is room for only two managers: Jack McKeon and Earl Weaver. Today is Jack's 80th birthday. Joe Frisaro has a profile of the birthday boy up at MLB.com. Read it, and savor the glory of a man who never hesitates to follow up his workouts with a big-ass cigar, age be damned.

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Two thoughts on Randy St. Claire

Clark Spencer wrote about the Marlins' new pitching coach, Randy St. Claire, for today's Miami Herald, and two quotes from St. Claire struck me. The first,

He was even more impressed Saturday when he got to see his pupils in person, with his own naked eyes, as Marlins pitchers began pumping fastballs on Day 1 of spring training.
"A lot of power arms," St. Claire said afterward. "Big, tall, strong kids that can really get the ball up there. This is really nice. This is the most quality arms I've ever had."

Immediately, he talks about the talent he has. Not too surprising, as you would think he is sending a subtle message to his guys. You guys are pretty good already, he is saying. I'm just here to help you with the little things. This is what you'd want from a guy coaching a young staff, and similar to the approach Jack McKeon took when he managed the team (The "you can do it" approach, so to speak).

The second comment was not so subtle:

"What makes a good pitching coach?" St. Claire said. "You've got to be able to see changes and not make changes. You've got to know when to be a pitching coach and when not to be. When a guy is going really good, what do you want me to do? You want me to change it? Why mess with it?"

St. Claire, in other words, is not a meddler. I'm good with that. If Josh Johnson or another member of the staff is rolling, don't get in his way, just make sure he doesn't overwork himself. In other words, it is reassuring to me to hear the coaching staff talk about how talented the team is. Because talent tends to win out over 162 games, you see.

And finally, apropos of nothing, St. Claire was asked to join the Marlins when Jeffrey Loria bought the team, having served as the Expos' Triple-A pitching coach. St. Claire declined. I just like the fact that there is someone on the team now who has survived after telling Loria no. I think the rest of the coaching staff may like him now.

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