Children of the Diaspora 19: Carl Pavano

Carl Pavano, RHP

Carl Pavano announced his retirement on Wednesday, time to fire up the way-back machine...

Played for Marlins: 2002-2004
Other Teams: Montreal (1998-2002), Yankees (2005-2008), Cleveland (2009), Minnesota (2009-2012)
Marlins Highlights: Went 18-8 with a 3.00 ERA and 5.3 WAR in 2004, earning an All-Star nod (the only one of his career) and a sixth-place finish in NL Cy Young voting. He was very effective in the 2003 postseason, giving up 3 earned runs in 19 and 1/3 innings (and a 2-0 record, both wins coming in relief). He arrived from Montreal in the 2002 Cliff Floyd (along with Graeme Lloyd, Mike Mordecai, and Justin Wayne).
Other Highlights: This mustache. The Red Sox traded him as a minor leaguer to Montreal in 1997 for Pedro Martinez (poor Expos). The Yankees signed Pavano to a 4-year, $38 million deal off that 2004 season, and he spent most of those years on the disabled list (0.4 WAR total during his Yankees tenure). He threw only 145 innings for New York, missing the entire 2006 season. He had a slight resurgence in Minnesota, going 17-11 with a 3.75 ERA and 4.0 WAR in 2010.
Best Marlins Moment: In Game 4 of the 2003 World Series, Pavano threw an 8-inning gem, giving up 1 run on seven hits. The Marlins went on to win in 12 innings, but Pavano would have gotten the win had Ugueth Urbina not given up a 3-1 lead in the top of the ninth.

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The Tribe Has Spoken

The motto of Survivor is Outwit, Outplay, Outlast (not to be confused with the 2014 Marlins motto, Outhit, Misplay, Finish Last) and fittingly David Samson went 0-3 in his cup of coffee on the show.

Things began to unravel immediately when his Brains time anointed him leader. This meant he personally had to select someone as the weakest member of his tribe. He chose Garrett and foolishly showed too much of his hand. He revealed it was because he's thinking about the final two-thirds of the game, akin to the Marlins always having a great closer who never features because they never have a lead.

The Brains tribe had a calamitous display in the first immunity challenge and finished last of the three, sending them to tribal council. The challenge involved maneuvering a cart through some obstacles, using keys to open locks, putting together some puzzle pieces. The Brains tribe themselves are a mismatch of puzzle piece that don't work well together. Symbolism abound!

Garrett (who miraculously by the end of the night had taken over the dumbest contestant title belt) rightly convinced the others that David had to go and he was booted in a 4-2 vote. Ironically Samson's downfall (aside from being extraordinarily unlikeable) was really because he tried too hard, I guess overcompensating for not trying to field a respectable baseball team ever.

Alas, we are all the real losers. Not only did he fail to be eaten by a shark or bit by venomous snakes but the potential for several weeks of this comic relief is gone.

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Things Get Awkward for Ed Lucas

Via Sun Sentinel

Via the Sun Sentinel: infielder Ed Lucas got a bit of a surprise when he walked into the Marlins' spring training complex Thursday:

Infielder Ed Lucas arrived at Marlins spring training Thursday to find his likeness plastered on a couple of T-shirts.

Pitchers Tom Koehler and Steve Cishek were sporting shirts with Lucas' Awkward Family photo on the front with the words: "We're smarter than you and we know it" as a little jab at Lucas' Ivy League education. He attended Dartmouth.

The photo was featured on the popular blog Awkward Family Photos a few years ago after Lucas' sister submitted it to the site. According to Sentinel beat reporter Juan C. Rodriguez, Lucas was 10 at the time the photo was taken. It was "discovered" by his teammates during fantasy football season. We, for one, would love to see the email chain from Lucas' league when the photo came to light.

With the Miami Dolphins (rightly) under scrutiny for their ongoing bullying scandal (and with the Marlins having their own bullying problem with former hitting coach Tino Martinez last season), it's reassuring that the Marlins can prank each other without crossing the line.

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Jeffrey Loria Yields on Dictatorial Beard Policy

Via the Miami Herald:

For the first time since Jeffrey Loria took over as owner in 2002, Marlins players will be permitted to grow and wear beards, but only as long as they're neat.

"This year we're going to let them have beards, but they have to keep them trimmed up, and the hair, too," said manager Mike Redmond. "We just don't want it to look sloppy."

Not that kind of beard

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria has long disdained hirsute ballplayers (one of his many personality traits plagiarizing George Steinbrenner). Credit for Loria's change of heart goes to Jarrod Saltalamacchia, who told him the preponderance of beards in the Boston Red Sox clubhouse helped bond teammates in 2013.

"You can use it as chemistry like we did last year when everyone started doing it," Salty reportedly told Loria.

Automatic skeptical of the word "chemistry"

A nonsense policy undone by nonsense logic. I don't know why you'd want a thick layer of hair over your face during a 90-degree day game in June, but if it makes the players happy then the Diehards approve.

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Welcome Back

Pitchers and catchers have reported to Marlins Spring Training HQ, and your fearless leaders are also preparing for the upcoming season. Below is an exclusive look at the MDH base of operations, deep in the heart of Blogistan:

We had a fun winter of watching the Miami Dolphins get up the hopes of their fans only to crush those hopes weeks later, so we feel super-duper prepared for the upcoming Marlins season. We're going to throw some long toss and check back with you later this week.

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