Week In Review

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Overview: The Fish won both games of a short two game set against the Twins and took two of three from the Padres this weekend.

Positives: #MONSTERDONG return, and looks like he's here to stay1. The club has been playing some surprisingly good baseball. They've won seven of nine and fourteen total in the month of June (eclipsing the previous two months combined).

Negatives: This category has been overloaded for a while. We'll leave it vacant this week.

Line of the Week: Jacob Turner threw a gem and did so in such efficient manner that he actually completed the game. The Diehards approve of a No Closer Necessary ballgame.

W, CG, 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 H, 1 BB, 7 K

Highlight of the Week: WalkoffGranny.exe

I always loved the walk-off grand slam because it's usually so unnecessary. This was the quintessential situation. Not only was the game tied, so three runs are absolutely superfluous, but there was only one out. Mathis' fly could have landed literally 100 feet shorter and it still probably would've resulted in a win, however there's nothing greater than the crowd/celebration awaiting at home plate after a game-ending blast.

Looking Ahead: They play one more against San Diego tomorrow. I never understood the four-game set overlapping into the following week. After that they hit the road for three in Atlanta and three in St. Louis.

1In Marlins terms, so at least until November


The Last Days of Ricky Nolasco

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

This is only a surprise if you weren't paying attention to the Marlins' winter fire sale: Ricky Nolasco is on the trade block. The Giants, Dodgers, Orioles, Padres, and Rockies are all interested, according to Fox Sports' Ken Rosenthal.

Writing at Fish Stripes, Michael Jong thinks the Marlins are trying to act fast so that they can set the market for Nolasco:
The Marlins could be doing this to establish the most value for Nolasco. Getting a jump on the thin starting pitching market this season may allow the Fish to set the price for starters. Setting their own price could get them a better return, especially from a free-wheeling team like the Los Angeles Dodgers, than if the Fish waited until any bigger fishes like Yovani Gallardo or, if the market gets to that point, Cliff Lee become available.
Nolasco's fate has been sealed ever since the Marlins initiated their massive trade with Toronto last year. With his $11.5 million 2013 salary, plus his impending free-agent status, Nolasco would never be part of Miami's long-run plans. It's only a matter of time before he's gone. We'll always have the memories (of the haircuts and wardrobe).


In which the word #Monsterdong takes on its intended meaning

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Sneak Preview (image via Fish@Bat)
ESPN announced the athletes who will be featured in its annual Body Issue on Tuesday, and our very own object of affection Giancarlo Stanton will be photographed in the nude for your fapping viewing pleasure:
The athlete roster for this year's edition also includes three-time beach volleyball gold medalist Kerri Walsh Jennings, Marlins' slugger Giancarlo Stanton, and four-time WNBA All-Star Swin Cash. ... Another notable standout: 77-year-old golf legend Gary Player.
click to embiggen
Hanley Ramirez was in the 2010 issue while a member of the Marlins (right). You could call the Body Issue ESPN's weird response to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue (which is partially accurate), but it's a bit more than that. Instead of mere titillation, the Body Issue shows just how impressively sculpted the physique of the professional athlete is. It's like the Swimsuit Issue meets a 19th-century travelling freak show.

Indeed, the most memorable images from these issues are not the mundane shots (like Hanley ironing his dress shirt), but those of athletes in the act of kicking/running/jumping/etc. (see: Abby Wambach, Danell LeyvaCarmelita Jeter, and some hockey dude).

We're not on board with the inclusion of 77-year-old Gary Player, though. That's just gross.


Birthday #Monsterdong

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The rest of the team is a hot mess, but Giancarlo Stanton still delivers. On Ted's birthday, he hit not one, but TWO #Monsterdongs, giving the Marlins all the offense they'd need in a 3-2 victory. Happy birthday Ted!


Step right up and sweep the Mets!

Monday, June 10, 2013

We apologize for not being more active here (or active at all, or on Twitter for that matter). It's NBA Finals time, please forgive us.

But while we've been hibernating, the Marlins have seemingly employed the following strategy:

1. Lose every game, except when facing the Mets.
2. Win every game against the Mets
3. Torture the hapless souls that are Mets fans by letting them lead at times, prolonging the game by between one and eleven innings, then winning.

We like this. The Fish aren't going to be anything of note this year, so racking up a great W-L against a main rival and destroying their morale is fine by us. Plus it's the Mets. No other team's demise can cause such great joy to any other team's fans. This is the same team that swept four against the Yankees, but now have lost five straight against Miami, dropping them to twelve games under .500

Mets stay Mets.

Downside? The Marlins won't see them again until the end of July. Don't let that ruin your Monday though. Enjoy the new week everybody.


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