But can he pitch?

Saturday, June 30, 2012

The Marlins are doing anything possible to get some of the Miami Heat's championship juju to rub off on them, so Heat forward Shane Battier took BP with the team this afternoon and threw out the first pitch before Saturday's game.

Whatever it takes to distract fans from their June swoon. Below are some links to recent Marlins items I wrote for NBC Miami. Click through if you want to read me making fun of Jeffrey Loria.


Bobblehead Museum Murder Mystery!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Via Deadspin, something is wrong with the Tim Lincecum bobblehead at the Marlins Park bobblehead museum:

Who's the culprit? If we were investigating this crime, we'd question the Jose Offerman bobblehead first...


Week in Review

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Overview: The Marlins lost two of three each to Boston and Tampa for a 2-4 week. The team is now 4-11 for the month of June.
Positives: The Marlins scored more than twice in two whole games this week! Coincidentally, they won those two games.
Negatives: The terrible hitting continues, and Ozzie Guillen wants you to know that it's not the coaches' fault:

Nobody gives [hitting coach] Eduardo [Perez] credit when we were doing good. Now they’re going to (expletive) on him because we’re not hitting? That’s a bunch of (expletive). No, blame the players. They were good two weeks ago (with the) same hitting coach.
Hard to argue with that.

Read more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/fish_bytes/2012/06/guillen-says-players-not-hitting-coach-are-to-blame-for-offensive-woes.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter#storylink=cpy

Line of the Week: The combined performance of the Marlins bullpen on Sunday:

8.2 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 6 K, 1 BB, 117 pitches

Pitching were Steve Cishek (0.2 IP), Edward Mujica (3 IP), Randy Choate (1 IP), Ryan Webb (3 IP), and Heath Bell (1 IP). Apart from Cishek's blown save, a pretty impressive outing..
Highlight of the Week: From the same game, Scott Cousins tripled home the winning run in the top of the 15th inning.
Looking Ahead: After an off-day tomorrow, Miami visits Boston for three games, then kicks off a homestand with a weekend series against the Blue Jays.

Image via @ThisIsChucker


This Day in History

(Reprinted from 2011)

Today is Ted's birthday.

My favorite memory of his birthday: In 1994, when the Marlins played the Mets at home on June 17. Our parents split season tickets with two other families from 1993 to 1995. Needless to say whenever the Marlins had a home game on Ted's birthday (or Dad's or Mom's), we selected that game in the annual ticket draft (it was always the first pick made after opening day was off the board). So on that Friday night, we trucked up to Joe Robbie (which was actually called Joe Robbie at the time), and took in a game.

I don't remember the game at all, but I do remember watching OJ Simpson evade LA police in his Ford Bronco on the stadium's jumbotron. It was by far Ted's strangest birthday.

Plus, the Marlins won that night. Greg Colbrunn and Kurt Abbot hit home runs that night. Robb Nen pitched a five-out save, the term "Alfonseca-save" wasn't even an abstraction, and Leo Nunez was a child. It was a simpler time, then.


Ozzie Ain't Care

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Men's Journal polled MLBers about a number of subjects for this month's issue, and apparently nobody likes Ozzie Guillen:

In the issue that hits newsstands on Friday, Men's Journal surveyed 100 major leaguers, and Guillen received 36 percent of the vote when asked to name the least respected manager. Boston Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine came in a distant second with 14 percent.
At least the dog likes Ozzie...
Unfortunately, Men's Journal has not put this story on their website at all (which is a fantastic way to make sure no one clicks on the ads on your site, btw).

Ozzie, predictably, doesn't give one fuck at all. 
"I don’t care a [expletive] what people think about me," he concluded. "I have a job. My job is to win games, and I’m going to do it my way. And if they don’t like the way I do my job, it’s easy. Fire my [butt]."
Never change, Ozzie. To be fair, he gives himself a "C+ or a D" for his work this season, sensible given that the Marlins are just a game over .500 at the moment. "I should be in first place with this ball club," he said. "I’ve got good players. I might not [be getting] the best out of them. Not yet."

Anyway, I want to care more about this story, but all it does is confirm what we already knew: Ozzie Guillen rubs people the wrong way. Shocker.


Confidential to Heath Bell

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Hi Heath, it's Dave. You don't know me, but I want to help. Marlins fans would love to adore you, but if you insist on complaining about us (while at the same time walking 14% of the batters you face and racking up a 4.07 FIP), you will become a bigger pariah and laughingstock than Tony Sparano.

We could forgive you for decrying Giancarlo Stanton's paltry All-Star voting tally:
Bell said the Marlins' lack of national media coverage is no excuse for Stanton's paltry vote total. "I think the team is doing their part. I think it's the responsibility of the fan to vote for your favorite position player," he said. "If ESPN doesn't promote the Marlins and MLB doesn't promote the Marlins, I think the fans should."
But complaining about fans in your own park being more interested in the Heat's run to the NBA Finals while the Marlins are busy losing 7 out of their last 8 games is laughable.
"You can tell when there's a Heat game, there's nobody by our window," closer Heath Bell said of the window in the Marlins' outfield bullpen. "I know I got annoyed the last couple of times because it was 'Let's go He-eat!' I was like, 'Let's go Marlins!' I was yelling back at them."
To be fair, it is weird to think that someone would go to the Marlins Park Clevelander so they can watch a Heat game, but last time I checked, this is America, so that's perfectly legal.

You're new here, and maybe none of your teammates have mentioned this, but fans in South Florida only care about teams that are winning. If you really want to steal attention from the Heat, do something to help your teammates start hitting with runners in scoring position. The rest will take care of itself.


What $515 Million Doesn't Buy

Monday, June 11, 2012

Working telephones:

"That kind of stuff does happen," Maddon said. "But you'd like to think they got it right here the first time. You know, when Fenway [Park in Boston, which opened in 1912] breaks down, you kind of expect it."
Sick burn, Joe. We have no rebuttal.


Week in Review

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Overview: The Marlins were swept twice (by Atlanta and Tampa) for an 0-6 week. They also participated in the MLB Draft, we'll find out in five years or so if they did a good job.
Positives: The Miami Heat winning the Eastern Conference Championship was a nice distraction from the bad baseball the Marlins played this week. Seriously, the only highlight was the Fish wearing the all-whites with the orange cap and stirrups (see above, I'd be happy if this was the only home uni set they ever wear).
Negatives: Too many to list here, but I'll go with the team's terrible situational hitting. The team is 7 for its last 62 (.113) with runners in scoring position. Yeesh.
Line/Highlight of the Week: There will be no weekly awards. You lose every game, you get no kudos.
Looking Ahead: The Marlins host Boston for three games, then after an off day on Thursday travel to Tampa for Citrus Series 2: Electric Boogaloo.


@JCRMarlinsbeat's Greatest Hits

Friday, June 8, 2012

Juan C. Rodriguez is our favorite Marlins beat writer to follow on Twitter. He doesn't bore us with updates on the pressbox ice cream machine or his thoughts on SEC football. After briefly experimenting with Sulia, he seems to have ditched that service (which literally takes all the good things about twitter and dumps them through a shredder). But best of all, he frequently takes questions from his followers, and is never afraid to point out dumb questions.

I look forward to JCR's Q-and-A's with the same sense of anticipation as a @Humblebrag retweet-fest or @BuzzBissinger rant. Here are some of our favorite JCR tweets from the past few weeks: Followed up with: We know the feeling, dude. Sick burn, JCR. Maybe there's a Tweetdeck filter for that? A lesser beat writer would have replied, "I don't know."


Stanton Gonna Make Everybody Pregnant

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

At least, that will be the probable outcome if Giancarlo Stanton is selected to participate in the Home Run Derby:
NL Derby team captain Matt Kemp said on TV Tuesday Stanton and Dodgers teammate Andre Ethier would be two of his picks for the Derby. Each league gets four hitters.

Stanton told the Miami Herald Tuesday that he would welcome the chance to represent the Marlins, but he has not received any call from Kemp yet. "It would be fun," he said. "I watched it last year and it looked like a great time."
Obviously, this needs to happen. The world deserves more #Monsterdongs. Then there's this:
Teammate Logan Morrison offered to be Stanton's "towel boy," to the delight of metaphor enthusiasts everywhere. "He wants to dab me up and give me Gatorade," Stanton said. "I told him if he puts some makeup on and gets a wig, I'll let him do it."
We'll file that idea under "Nonessential."


Week In Review

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Overview: Productive week for the Fish as they swept the Nationals and took two of three in Philadelphia
Positives: Giancarlo Stanton won the NL Player of the Month award for May. The pitching has been pretty stellar as of late too. With today's win and a Nats loss, the club is back in a tie for first place. /looks at calendar /reads June Well, it's something.
Negatives: A loss to the Phillies on Friday night kept the Fish from a perfect week. Really, all not that much to complain about. Time for Ozzie to say something stupid again.
Line of the Week: Hanley Ramirez has been red hot at the plate, his totals for the week

12-24, 4 HR, 6 RBI

Highlight of the Week: Carloz Zambrano doing his best #MONSTERDONG impersonation
Looking Ahead: The Marlins head home for three each with the Braves and Rays.


Giancarlos Talks Monsterdongs

Saturday, June 2, 2012


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