We're not taking the Jose Fernandez news too well...

Wednesday, May 14, 2014


Week In Review

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Overview: The Marlins dropped two of three to the Nationals but swept the Mariners for a 4-2 home stand.
Positives: The bats have mostly woken up and the starting pitching has been very nice. The Fish were able to win two close ballgames against Seattle. Giancarlo Stanton, M.D. remains piping hot to start the season.
Negatives: Mike Dunn is still doing Mike Dunn things. The bullpen as a whole leaves some to be desired, but if they didn't, what fun would that be?
Line of the Week: Henderson Alvarez's start on Saturday night,, an efficient 90 pitch complete game shutout, was arguable as good as his no-hitter last September.

W, CG, 9 IP, 0 R, 2 H, 0 BB, 4 K

Internet MVP of the Week: This super #TURNT fan who wasted no time hopping into the Clevelander pool to retrieve Marcell Ozuna's home run ball. That's good hustle.

 Highlight of the Week: Nothing makes us feel more happy in the pants than a #WALKOFFMONSTERDONGGRANDSLAM

Looking Ahead: Miami travels to Atlanta for three and to New York for a weekend series with the Mets.

FYI: I (Ted) will be attending Tuesday night's ballgame, a Jose Fernandez start, at Turner Field. If any Atlanta/South-based Marlins fans are going, tweet @tedhill or @MarlinsDiehards. I'll buy you a beer and we can share Quilvio Veras stories.


Off-Day Guide

Thursday, April 17, 2014

What to do while you're dreaming of a competent bullpen...

  • Bad Boys, ESPN, 7pm: The newest 30 for 30 documentary, about the late-80s Detroit Pistons. 
  • NHL Playoffs: Chicago at St. Louis, 7pm, NBCSports: if you're into that sort of thing...
  • Community/Parks and Rec, NBC, 8pm: Season finale for Community, which has been stellar in Dan Harmon's return from exile. 
  • NCIS, CBS, 9pm: Watch it, then you'll have something to talk about with your parents (for once)!
  • Scandal, ABC, 9pm: Watch it, then you'll have something to talk about with your boring friends!

Since the Marlins will host Seattle over the weekend, take a gander at Where'd You Go, Bernadette, the second novel from Maria Semple. Set in my adopted home, it is a fun read about a Seattle transplant who gets progressively unhinged as the plot develops. It is worth your time, and if you've lived in Seattle you'll find the sections where the main character complains about her home to be very true to life. Semple used to write for Arrested Development, and her comedic chops are strong.


The Jonah Keri podcast made its triumphant return this week, now part of Grantland's podcast lineup. Listen to it here, and try not to get the best theme song in podcasting stuck in your head.


Giancarlo Stanton Came to Fornicate

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Marlins took an eight-game losing streak into Tuesdsay night's game against the Nationals, and with Stephen Strasburg taking the hill against the Marlins it looked like that 8 could turn into a 9 by night's end.

Then Sr. #Monsterdong took the bull by the horns and unleashed some hot sex on Marlins Park:

It was Stanton's fifth home run of the season, going 457 feet to one of the deepest parts of Marlins Park. According to ESPN Stats & Info, Stanton has 3 of the 4 longest home runs of the young season. It was also the longest home run Strasburg has given up.

Stanton is off to a very hot start (5 HR, 21 RBI, .635 slugging%), and it is as if he knows 2014 is the year he will either secure a long-term contract offer from the Marlins or be traded to the highest bidder. Stanton is letting everyone in baseball know just how valuable he is.

Honorable mention goes to Tom Koehler, who stranded one hit and five walks over seven scoreless innings. His inside pitch to Ian Desmond in the fourth inning very nearly started something, as Desmond took offense and precipitated a little argument with Jarrod Saltalamacchia. Sadly, it turned out to be one of those benches-emptying stand-around affairs

Jose Fernandez will take the hill tonight as the Marlins attempt a series win.


Let's Just Keep Thinking About That First Week

Monday, April 14, 2014

Hey, remember when the Marlins steamrolled Colorado and San Diego en route to a 5-2 record to start the season?

That was awesome.

Two straight series sweeps at Washington and Philadelphia, and the Fish are right back where everyone expected them to be:

The Marlins' poor play prompted this exchange between your fearless bloggers:

But hey, at least we can watch this #Monsterdong over and over until we forget about last week:


The Marmolcoaster Claims its First Victim of 2014

Thursday, April 10, 2014

That victim: what would have been the Marlins' sixth win of the season. Nursing a one-run lead in the eighth, Marmol served this up to Jayson Werth with the bases loaded...

But really, who could have predicted such a thing?



Exclusive Interview with Marlins Park Manager of Turfgrass Science

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

You may have heard that the Marlins have installed new grass in the Marlins Park outfield before the season. Marlins Diehards got an exclusive interview with the team's in-house turfgrass scientist, who created the new hybrid during the offseason. Watch it below:

The Marlins are on the road this week, but they return home on April 14 for a three-game set against the Nats. In the meantime, Carl will be getting stoned to the bejeezus and enjoying his magnificent creation.


Off-Day Guide: April 7th, 2014

Monday, April 7, 2014

First day without a Marlins game to tune into, here are some suggestions to pass the time this evening.

  • MLB: Rangers at Red Sox, ESPN, 7:00pm: It's baseball but the slate is pretty bare. There are a few other snoozers if you have MLB.TV.
  • NCAA Basketball: Kentucky vs Connecticut, CBS, 9:00pm: If you follow Dave or I on Twitter you know we aren't big on college hoops, but it is a game for all the marbles, one shining moment, etc. I'm rooting for UConn as they allowed me to drop a somewhat obscure movie line on Saturday.
  • Anything on HBOGo: Find your friend's or parents' login information if you need to but there's just a wealth of quality content. I'd recommend starting with Game of Thrones. As for me, I'm going to watch the premier of this new comedy, Silicon Valley, by the creator of Office Space. (Dave recommends Veep as well).

You may have heard the Marlins broadcast team mention on Sunday's telecast, we all should pick up and read Up, Up, and Away, Jonah Keri's new book about the Expos. Baseball in Montreal really was/is a unique story that we at MDH can appreciate, plus there are Marlins tie-ins, obviously. The title alone should make you buy it. It should come as no surprise that David Samson and Jeffrey Loria declined to be interviewed for the making of the work.


Probably a good time to do your taxes if you haven't already. If you have, just start computing how many Marlins tickets you can buy with your refund.


We Sense a Branding Opportunity

You see T+A, we see $$$ (also T+A)
This weekend we learned via Deadspin that the Kansas City Royals are now selling souvenir bottles of water from the iconic Kaufmann Stadium fountain:

click to embiggen
Sure, as Deadspin's Samer Kalaf points out, this is a waste of $19.99 for the fans, but if people are willing to pay money for this bauble, why wouldn't the Royals give them what they want?

This obviously got us thinking about the Marlins. There are so many things Jeffrey Loria and Co. could be selling from the Marlins Park waste bins. Some suggestions from the Diehards:
  • Spent water from the aquarium behind home plate and the Clevelander pool (if you want to be a total copycat)
  • Dead aquarium fish (we're not saying you should kill fish for the purpose of commerce, but all those fish will die someday, and when that happens, sell!)
  • Paint chips gleaned from the Clevelander body-painted dancers
  • Dead lightbulbs from the centerfield home run sculpture
  • Giancarlo Stanton's used Gatorade cups (we'd pay top $ in hopes of harvesting enough DNA to build an army of Giancarlo clones)
That's just the tip of the iceberg, though. Tweet us your ideas.


Series Review: Fish on a Roll

Overview: The Marlins took two of three from the San Diego Padres to improve to 5-2 after the first week.
Positives: Giancarlo Stanton (notoriously a slow starter) has already bested the best April of his career in the first week alone. He has two home runs and 12 RBI (two of which came in March, but whatevs). Miami leads MLB in runs per game, doubly shocking considering how bad last year's squad was at simply getting on base. Even the Godfather has taken notice of the Marlins:

This will only lead to more calls for Micky Arison to buy the Marlins, but we still believe that won't happen anytime soon.
Negatives: We're not going to spoil our fun with some #SmallSampleSizeTheater observations (though we will probably write a post all about it later this week). Let's enjoy this good fortune while it's still early April.
Line of the Series: We were planning to give the nod to Nate Eovaldi for his 8-strikeout day on Sunday, until he gave up a decisive pinch-hit three-run home run to Alexi Amarista in the seventh inning. Instead, we'll give the nod to Jose Fernandez' excellent Saturday outing:

6.2 IP, 0 R, 3 H, 8 K, 2 BB, 0.386 WPA

Highlight of the Series:
If you thought we would choose anything else, you don't know us. Our reaction at the time:
It was the longest home run in the brief history of Marlins Park. Just monumental.
Looking Ahead: The Marlins have Monday off, then face their first real test of the season with a three-game set at Washington.


Series Review

Thursday, April 3, 2014

We are back, baby!

Overview: The Fish have started brightly, winning three of four at home against the Rockies.
Positives: The bats have turned up in a big way. Miami scored ten in the opener and plated eight in the finale. Even the middle games had the team scoring more than the two or fewer we saw so often last year (47% of games, according to the TV broadcast). The bullpen is also off to a nice start. Steve Cishek saved two games, upping his streak to 31 opportunities converted in a row, plus the Carlos Marmol Express has made two stops without derailing.
Negatives: The lone loss of the series did see the some fielding woes rear their ugly head. Henderson Alvarez had a bit of a rough outing.
Line of the Series: The nod goes to Jose Fernandez, who dazzled in his six innings.

W, 6 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 0 BB, 9 K

Highlight of the Series: There were other candidates, but did you really think we'd choose something other than the first #MONSTERDONG of the 2014 campaign?
Looking Ahead: The club stays home for a three game set with the Padres. Jose Fernandez pitches Saturday night, so don't miss it.


We Would Have Gone With "Expert"

Jeffrey Loria's Wikipedia page got a little bit of an upgrade recently (h/t this guy):

It's still up there at the time of this writing, but we suspect some Wiki editor will spot it and remove it soon. Still, it kinda makes us wish Loria was on LinkedIn. We'd endorse him for so many things:

  • Fire sales (obvi)
  • Swindling local and state politicians
  • Hiring despots
  • PR disasters
  • Killing the dreams of children
If you have any others, tweet 'em at us with @MarlinsDiehards #JeffreyLoriaLinkedInEndorsements


The First #Monsterdong of 2014

The Marlins may have lost their first game of the 2014 season on Wednesday, but they also got their first home run from Giancarlo Stanton, on a frozen rope into the bullpen:

Plus, he almost killed Mike Dunn:
"I kind of glanced, and was like, 'Ahhh.' I went back and looked at the home run this morning. If I didn't move, I think it would have hit me. It would have been really close to hitting me if I didn't move."
Good times.


Jose Fernandez Practices What He Preaches

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Hey, remember last year when the #Barves got in a tizzy because Jose Fernandez dared to have fun after hitting his first major league home run? We're sure there were plenty of wet blankets who thought at the time, Let's see how Cuban Jesus reacts when someone shows him up with a home run trot. Then on Opening Day, this happened:

That was Carlos Gonzalez hitting a tape-measure shot off Fernandez in the sixth inning. Below is Gonzalez' reaction after the game:
"It was fun. It was nothing like he was mad at me. We have a really good relationship," Gonzalez said. "When he gets you out, he lets you know. So why not do the same thing when you get him?"
And indeed, Fernandez "yelled good-natured barbs at Gonzalez from the dugout" after he was pulled from the game.

Fernandez told the Miami Herald Tuesday:
"We were just joking around," Fernandez explained Tuesday of the stare down he gave Gonzalez as he rounded first and the subsequent good-natured barbs they yelled at each other from the dugout. "I told him, 'I don't know what I'm going to throw you next time.' He's like 'Don't even talk about it you struck out everybody.' We talked after the game. No big deal."
So it's nice to know that Jose is still approaching his job like the game it is.


Well That Went Well (Except for the One Thing)

Jose Fernandez tied a franchise record by striking out nine opposing batters on Opening Day, something only Josh Beckett had done before (in 2004). But when we think back on 2014 Opening Day years from now, our first thought will probably be about Jose's mom and abuela laughing at his weak third-inning groundout: 

click to embiggen, via
It was a good first start for the reigning Rookie of the Year, however. Here's his line in the Marlins' 10-1 win over Colorado:

6.0 IP, 5 H, 1 ER, 0 BB, 9 K, 0.262 WPA

Last Miami did not score their tenth run of the season until Game 5. This can mean only one thing, as Ted texted me after the game: the Marlins will probably be shut out over the next 3 games.


Ten Very Specific Predictions for 2014

Monday, March 31, 2014

It's that time again...
  1. Giancarlo Stanton will not be traded before the July 31 deadline, as the Marlins will attempt (probably in vain) to work out a long-term deal with him in the offseason.
  2. In fact, the Marlins won't make any major trades this season. They don't have any big contracts to unload (except for Jarrod Saltalamacchia if you think $7M a year qualifies as "outrageous"), and will hesitate to part with any of their young pitchers barring a preposterously dumb offer. 
  3. All you assholes will stop complaining about the Marlins Park home run sculpture and learn to appreciate its kitschy charm (not really, but a man can dream, can't he?).
  4. Though the Marlins surprised many baseball observers by promoting Jose Fernandez and Christian Yelich to the big club last season, they won't repeat that with recent first-round picks Colin Moran and Andrew Heaney. With Heaney, the reason will likely be the team's surfeit of quality pitchers, while Moran will be held back by the fact that the Marlins won't be contenders in 2014 and preventing Moran's service clock from starting too early will save the team money three years from now. 
  5. The Marlins' "revamped" infield will hit so poorly that Michael Hill will take the unprecedented step of signing Jose Fernandez' abuela to a contract. She'll slash .180/.450/.095, generating a ton of walks thanks to her Eddie Gaedel-like strike zone
  6. Marcell Ozuna will be the Marlin most likely to appear in a Misadventures of the Tangerine Troops post this season (based solely on these two gems from 2013).
  7. David Samson's efforts to increase attendance by quickening the pace of games won't the intended effect, but it hey, we won't have to watch as many hours of bad baseball, so we'll be okay with it.
  8. This will finally be the year that a Giancarlo Stanton #Monsterdong finally kills someone. It'll be worth it, though.
  9. Tino Martinez, still clearly not over his firing last season, will be seen outside Marlins Park holding a boombox iPhone over his head blasting Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" in early May. It will be the saddest reenactment of that scene Say Anything ever.
  10. 73-89, 4th in NL East (thanks to a very lifeless Phillies campaign), 


The 2014 Marlins Macropreview

Opening Day is finally upon us, and as we do every year, the Diehards have scoured the interwebs for all the 2014 projections we can find. We averaged the projections together so as to identify the conventional wisdom about the team heading into the season (we're not exactly Nate Silver, but we do recognize the power of aggregating different projection models into a kind of supermodel).

Like last season, the baseball world expects little of the Marlins (not that we blame them). Though the Marlins should have a deep starting rotation and respectable bullpen, their offense remains iffy beyond Giancarlo Stanton (and to a lesser extent Christian Yelich). Taken together, the projections have the Marlins as a 70-win team, with little variance. Here are the projections:

This is a case where the numbers match what is generally expected of the team, a modest improvement over last year's 62-win total, but nothing to inspire hopes of a playoff berth. If the Marlins wildly outperform expectations, they could flirt with a .500 record. But if injuries pile up, this team could lose 100 games just as easily.

Indeed, 2015 remains the earliest hope for a competitive season, but Marlins fans still have the benefit of watching Jose Fernandez and Stanton (for now). Those two, at least, should provide for some fun times this season.


Jeffrey Loria Won't Let Micky Arison Buy the Marlins

Monday, March 24, 2014

Micky Arison 
Every few weeks or so we see people in our Twitter timeline calling for Miami Heat owner Micky Arison to purchase the Marlins from Jeffrey Loria. It turns out Arison is pretty warm to that idea...
Going back to last year, Heat owner Micky Arison has expressed interest in buying the Marlins from Jeffrey Loria, according to a Major League Baseball official close to the situation.

But Loria isn't interested in selling to Arison, Jeb Bush or anyone else who has inquired.
That was from Barry Jackson of the Miami Herald. Jackson mentions that Loria has no intention to sell, and why would he? He got a sweetheart of a deal from MLB when he bought the team (getting the Montreal Expos off his hand in addition to an interest-free loan to cover the portion of the Marlins sale price that wasn't offset from the sale of the Expos), not to mention the albatross of a stadium deal that local governments awarded him years ago. It costs him literally nothing to own the Marlins (there's a reason he's considered such a villain in these parts: his ruthless efficacy).

What would it take to convince Loria to sell the Marlins? Jackson notes that he likes being a baseball owner, and despite the team's struggles he plans to stick around (indeed, his oft-reported stubbornness probably plays a role in this: wouldn't you keep this team long enough to see it succeed and vindicate your own vision?).

The answer comes down to money. Loria bought the Marlins for $158.5 million in 2002, and Forbes estimated the team's value at $520 million last season. He is probably not strapped for cash now, but if he ever becomes so, he will make a very handsome profit on his investment. But while Loria is among the "poorest" of sports owners (one site estimates his net worth at $500 million, less than half that of Angels owner Arte Moreno), he's not exactly eating ramen, either.

So don't get your hopes up.


LoMo: Miami Smells

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Logan Morrison may not play for the Marlins anymore, but that won't stop him from taking shots at South Florida. He made this hot take in an interview with Seattle sports-talk station KJR on Wednesday (via Miami New Times):
"I've been up to Seattle a few times and it's beautiful," replied Morrison. "I love the cleanliness of a downtown. You know Miami's not exactly the cleanest downtown. It kinda smells like moldy people and ...yeah it's hot, moist, and Seattle's awesome."

I don't live in Miami anymore, but I was in downtown Miami last December, and while it is more than a bit sketchy (especially after sundown), I don't remember noticing any moldy smell. Besides, Seattle (where I live now) may have a clean downtown, but it is not without its problems (like lax panhandling ordinances). It is a pretty awesome place to live, though.

Regardless, if urban odors are a problem for Morrison, then he should do his damnedest to avoid being sent to the Mariners' Triple-A affiliate in Tacoma (home of the Tacoma aroma). That would mean slashing a bit better than last season's .242/.333/.375 mark.

Morrison also said it would be nice to play in front of bigger crowds in Seattle, which as the New Times points out, averaged only 2,000 more fans per game than Miami last year. Mariners fans turn out in droves for Felix Hernandez starts, but less so for the team's other four starters (this should sound familiar to our readers).

Anyway, it's nice to see that LoMo has not changed and still counts ill-informed trolling as a viable PR strategy.


The Marlins Turn to Groupon (Again)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

via Marlins.com

It has come to our attention that the Marlins are taking to Groupon to help sell tickets to Opening Day:
Watch the Marlins on Monday, March 31st as they open the season against the Colorado Rockies and receive complimentary tickets to a future home game in April or May.
Here's the full deal. We're sure this news will lead to plenty of hot takes ("I thought the Marlins only used Groupon to find free agents!"), but we'll just repost what we said when the Marlins used a Groupon offer last year:
If only Groupon was around ten years ago. In 2002, Ted and I went to the Marlins' home opener, along with 23,875 other fans (or roughly two-thirds of Joe Robbie Stadium's baseball capacity). The highlight of the night came when a Mike Lowell home run was overturned (called a foul ball instead) and fans responded by throwing their schedule magnets (that night's giveaway) onto the field. The Marlins lost 10-2. Had our tickets been bundled with a merchandise voucher (as well as a voucher for tickets to another game, as in the current Groupon deal), we could all have thrown souvenir bats onto the field as well.
Also, we suspect whoever wrote this offer knows nothing about the Marlins that cannot be found in their Wikipedia entry.
Today, after some light rebranding to go along with the new ballpark, the rechristened Miami Marlins aim to continue traditions new and old, expanding their list of Hall of Famers.
Don't they know Mike Piazza isn't in the Hall of Fame yet??


The First Pratfall of Spring

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

We waffled on whether we would tag this Misadventures of the Tangerine Troops, but in the end it was a no-brainer... But hey, who gives one shit about your kid when there is a chance to grab a baseball that retails for under 10?

Good luck, kid. Hope your dad doesn't pull the wagon near an open sewer drain or active volcano.


It's Never Too Early for a #Monsterdong

Monday, March 10, 2014

Ah, the first Giancarlo Stanton home run video* of spring. So majestic. Very satisfying. Watch below (or watch here while we try to make the mlb.com embed work):

*His second home run in Spring Training.


John Henry Manages to Be Pettier Than Jeffrey Loria

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Earlier this week, the Marlins front office got in a tizzy because the Boston Red Sox sent a lineup of scrubs to a spring training match-up against Miami at Roger Dean Stadium in Jupiter. The reason: the Marlins had charged a premium for tickets to that game, since they were facing the defending World Series champions. It's not great for business if you charge extra to see David Ortiz and Ortiz doesn't even show up.

The Marlins brought the issue to MLB, and a few days later Red Sox general manager called Marlins GM Michael Hill to apologize.

But just as it seemed that the whole incident was over, Red Sox owner (and former Marlins owner) John Henry decided to subtweet the Marlins like a bitchy high schooler:
Apparently Henry never paid anyone to tell him that stooping to the level of Jeffrey Loria does not make him seem magnanimous, but only makes him look more imperious and smarmy than Loria himself. Here are two things to keep in mind when reading this tweet:
  1. John Henry used to own the Marlins, but sold the team to Loria in 2002 after he had failed to convince local politicians to pony up for a new baseball-only stadium in Miami-Dade county. That's right, he's not even as effective a corporate succubus as Jeffrey Loria.
  2. In 2002 (when Henry still owned the team) Jesus Sanchez made 32 starts for the Marlins. Sanchez has a career WAR of -0.3 (yes, that's a negative number). Henry has yet to apologize for that.
I think we speak for all Marlins fans when we say this: FUCK OFF JOHN HENRY.


Loria Shells Out the Dough (Sorta...) for Jose

Monday, March 3, 2014

Jeffrey Loria did something recently that is a little out of character: he willingly gave one of his players a bigger raise than necessary. Sun Sentinel Marlins reporter Juan C. Rodriguez tweeted Sunday that reigning NL Rookie of the Year Jose Fernandez will earn $635,000 this season, well above the $500,000 he was scheduled to make under his rookie contract (though still at a ridiculously steep discount relative to what he could get in the open market).

Notorious for his reluctance to pay pre-arbitration players anything above CBA-mandated minimums (and also for low-balling players in salary arbitration on multiple occasions), Loria is definitely taking a new tack with regards to Fernandez. A day before he was awarded the ROY last fall, Fernandez was surprised by a visit from his grandmother, Olga, who left Cuba to see him for the first time since his defection six years prior. Loria and the team helped orchestrate the reunion, a fact Fernandez made sure everyone knew:
Considering the fact that Giancarlo Stanton (the other All-Star that Marlins fans would love to see rewarded with a long-term deal) seems less likely to agree to any kind of contract extension with the Marlins by the day, perhaps Loria has learned a lesson or two about building a relationship with his players long before he enters into a contract negotiation with them. Those lessons, plus a good-faith effort to build around his young stars, would go a long way toward making the Marlins a preferred destination among free agents in addition to giving them a better opportunity to retain talent.

But is a photo op and a modest raise all he can do? Loria could make an even bigger statement by doing what so many other teams have done with young stars and extend Fernandez's contract now, five full seasons before he can go on the open market. It will cost him more in the short term, but would also allow the Marlins to limit his salary during arbitration years and thereafter. It is what Tampa did with Evan Longoria, and Minnesota with Joe Mauer, to name a few examples.

This is a start, though, and hopefully the first of many management concessions to come in the ongoing relationship between Fernandez and the Marlins.

Speaking of dudes the Marlins should have locked up a long time ago, Giancarlo Stanton is either a reckless prankster, or he is resorting to possible self-harm as a negotiating tactic with Marlins brass. Regardless, we recommend he just leave the crocs alone...


Children of the Diaspora 19: Carl Pavano

Friday, February 28, 2014

Carl Pavano, RHP

Carl Pavano announced his retirement on Wednesday, time to fire up the way-back machine...

Played for Marlins: 2002-2004
Other Teams: Montreal (1998-2002), Yankees (2005-2008), Cleveland (2009), Minnesota (2009-2012)
Marlins Highlights: Went 18-8 with a 3.00 ERA and 5.3 WAR in 2004, earning an All-Star nod (the only one of his career) and a sixth-place finish in NL Cy Young voting. He was very effective in the 2003 postseason, giving up 3 earned runs in 19 and 1/3 innings (and a 2-0 record, both wins coming in relief). He arrived from Montreal in the 2002 Cliff Floyd (along with Graeme Lloyd, Mike Mordecai, and Justin Wayne).
Other Highlights: This mustache. The Red Sox traded him as a minor leaguer to Montreal in 1997 for Pedro Martinez (poor Expos). The Yankees signed Pavano to a 4-year, $38 million deal off that 2004 season, and he spent most of those years on the disabled list (0.4 WAR total during his Yankees tenure). He threw only 145 innings for New York, missing the entire 2006 season. He had a slight resurgence in Minnesota, going 17-11 with a 3.75 ERA and 4.0 WAR in 2010.
Best Marlins Moment: In Game 4 of the 2003 World Series, Pavano threw an 8-inning gem, giving up 1 run on seven hits. The Marlins went on to win in 12 innings, but Pavano would have gotten the win had Ugueth Urbina not given up a 3-1 lead in the top of the ninth.


The Tribe Has Spoken

Thursday, February 27, 2014

The motto of Survivor is Outwit, Outplay, Outlast (not to be confused with the 2014 Marlins motto, Outhit, Misplay, Finish Last) and fittingly David Samson went 0-3 in his cup of coffee on the show.

Things began to unravel immediately when his Brains time anointed him leader. This meant he personally had to select someone as the weakest member of his tribe. He chose Garrett and foolishly showed too much of his hand. He revealed it was because he's thinking about the final two-thirds of the game, akin to the Marlins always having a great closer who never features because they never have a lead.

The Brains tribe had a calamitous display in the first immunity challenge and finished last of the three, sending them to tribal council. The challenge involved maneuvering a cart through some obstacles, using keys to open locks, putting together some puzzle pieces. The Brains tribe themselves are a mismatch of puzzle piece that don't work well together. Symbolism abound!

Garrett (who miraculously by the end of the night had taken over the dumbest contestant title belt) rightly convinced the others that David had to go and he was booted in a 4-2 vote. Ironically Samson's downfall (aside from being extraordinarily unlikeable) was really because he tried too hard, I guess overcompensating for not trying to field a respectable baseball team ever.

Alas, we are all the real losers. Not only did he fail to be eaten by a shark or bit by venomous snakes but the potential for several weeks of this comic relief is gone.


Things Get Awkward for Ed Lucas

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Via Sun Sentinel
Via the Sun Sentinel: infielder Ed Lucas got a bit of a surprise when he walked into the Marlins' spring training complex Thursday:
Infielder Ed Lucas arrived at Marlins spring training Thursday to find his likeness plastered on a couple of T-shirts.

Pitchers Tom Koehler and Steve Cishek were sporting shirts with Lucas' Awkward Family photo on the front with the words: "We're smarter than you and we know it" as a little jab at Lucas' Ivy League education. He attended Dartmouth.
The photo was featured on the popular blog Awkward Family Photos a few years ago after Lucas' sister submitted it to the site. According to Sentinel beat reporter Juan C. Rodriguez, Lucas was 10 at the time the photo was taken. It was "discovered" by his teammates during fantasy football season. We, for one, would love to see the email chain from Lucas' league when the photo came to light.

With the Miami Dolphins (rightly) under scrutiny for their ongoing bullying scandal (and with the Marlins having their own bullying problem with former hitting coach Tino Martinez last season), it's reassuring that the Marlins can prank each other without crossing the line.


Jeffrey Loria Yields on Dictatorial Beard Policy

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Via the Miami Herald:

For the first time since Jeffrey Loria took over as owner in 2002, Marlins players will be permitted to grow and wear beards, but only as long as they're neat.

"This year we're going to let them have beards, but they have to keep them trimmed up, and the hair, too," said manager Mike Redmond. "We just don't want it to look sloppy."
Not that kind of beard
Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria has long disdained hirsute ballplayers (one of his many personality traits plagiarizing George Steinbrenner). Credit for Loria's change of heart goes to Jarrod Saltalamacchia, who told him the preponderance of beards in the Boston Red Sox clubhouse helped bond teammates in 2013.

"You can use it as chemistry like we did last year when everyone started doing it," Salty reportedly told Loria.

Automatic skeptical of the word "chemistry"

A nonsense policy undone by nonsense logic. I don't know why you'd want a thick layer of hair over your face during a 90-degree day game in June, but if it makes the players happy then the Diehards approve.


Welcome Back

Monday, February 17, 2014

Pitchers and catchers have reported to Marlins Spring Training HQ, and your fearless leaders are also preparing for the upcoming season. Below is an exclusive look at the MDH base of operations, deep in the heart of Blogistan:

We had a fun winter of watching the Miami Dolphins get up the hopes of their fans only to crush those hopes weeks later, so we feel super-duper prepared for the upcoming Marlins season. We're going to throw some long toss and check back with you later this week.


Wherein the Diehards Interrupt Their Winter Break

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

We're just whiling away the days before pitchers and catchers report, but couldn't not share this very special gif (h/t SBNation):

In AJ's defense, Billy admired his own moon shot during BP that night, and the bullpen coach had hurt feels. Now Billy Respects the Game™.


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