Reading Material

This week at The Onion: Florida Marlins Delay Game Until Their Fan Shows Up. Obviously, if the subject is the Marlins fanbase, it's a slow week at Onion headquarters, but they managed to make it funny despite the obviousness of it all, so good on them.

As the delay grew to an hour, dugout sources expressed increasing concern. Players discarded the possibility of Steve being stuck in traffic, as the streets around the ballpark are all but deserted on game days. They also said it was unlikely Steve had been called into the auto parts store where he works, because it is closed on Sundays unless they are doing inventory. Players noted that inventory, however, is always at the end of the month. A check of Steve's Facebook page revealed no family birthdays.

h/t to JD