Someone Can Expect a Bill From Mr. Loria...

Giancarlo Stanton is doing his best to convince us that he is not a man, but a superhuman baseball-crushing machine sent from the future. On Monday night, he absolutely crushed a Jamie Moyer pitch with the bases loaded, giving him his second grand slam of the year (and his 9th home run of the season).

Here is the video:

Carlos Zambrano's reaction in the dugout might be the best part. At least Moyer can rest assured knowing he looks dope in his old-fashioned stirrups...

It wasn't enough that Stanton gave every male Marlins fan on the planet an baseball boner with that shot, though. He also broke the Marlins Park video board (photo below via Joe Capozzi). That's how legends are made.

Stanton's slam led blog-friend SCWS to ask for Giancarlo-related haikus via Twitter. We responded with a pair:

Grand slam? I'm having

trouble hiding my Stanton

boner on the bus

--

One day #Monsterdongs

will be FDA-approved

treatments for ED