Cespedes is a No-Go

Yoenis Cespedes is not walking through that door...

The Cuban defector has spurned the Miami Marlins in favor of the Oakland Athletics, signing a 4-year deal worth $36 million.

So much for a LoMo-Cespedes-Sr. #MONSTERDONG outfield troika. Cespedes' agent was reportedly asking for either a 4- or 10-year deal, as opposed to the 5-6-year deals other teams were offered. This makes a lot of sense. A 4-year deal allows Cespedes to become a free agent at age 30, when he is much more marketable to MLB teams than he would be at 32.

Plus, the A's will pay him $12 [ed.: Math!] $9 million a year, while the Marlins were offering $6 million per year.

So you know who'll be patrolling centerfield on Opening Day (provided Chris Coghlan doesn't suddenly become a serviceable baseball player by then)...

/starts drinking