The MDH Short List of New Manager Candidates

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Yesterday, Dave wrote about the ongoing reports of Ozzie Guillen and the increasing likelihood the Marlins will try to pry him away from the White Sox to manage the team in 2012. As we've stated many times, our position is to not hire a manager at all. But with very unlikely, here is the official Marlins Diehards short list for managerial candidates in 2012.

Ozzie Guillen

While Dave and I don't believe in managers, if the Marlins are going to be dumb enough to waste money and/or give away prospect(s) for someone (they will!), why not Ozzie? Even when the Fish are 10+ games under .500 in late August there should be plenty to write about. Bonus: He'll probably redecorate the clubhouse and dugout and line it with scented candles.

Wally Backman

You may have seen me mention Wally on Twitter a few times. He's best known for his priceless YouTube clips of some ejections while he managed the South Georgia Peanuts, which you can see here and here (audio NSFW). He'd be just as entertaining as Ozzie methinks, plus the team can get such great motivational speeches like the following

The seats in the first few rows behind the home dugout will sell out quickly.

Billy the Marlin

A mascot has not been a manager since Don Zimmer left the Cubs in 1991. Billy has no experience but scouts tell me his always-chipper attitude (seen at right) is infectious and builds great team unity. Downside: With a face like that, we'll probably never see him ejected.


The great SCWS had a take on the whole situation this morning for Marlins Daily and wrote
Seriously, just stop the charade and bring Jack back. Or at the very least, hire a blogger. We come fairly cheap.
Normally, I'd offer mine or David's services, but Dave just moved to Seattle and honestly, I couldn't last a week as a big league manager before falling asleep in the dugout during a game or leaving to the clubhouse in the 6th inning to play dominoes.

On second thought, what if they hired a team of bloggers?
  • Marlin Maniac: Stats guru, will make all baseball decisions
  • Dave: Book expert, great to have as a bullpen coach
  • Myself: Chief Beer/Food Officer, ensures a good postgame spread, keeps morale high
  • SCWS: Player development, i.e. postgame trips to Tootsie's
Stadium Giveaway

First 500 (if that many) fans to the game are entered in a drawing. One lucky winner will receive the managing gig for that night only. Prize also includes an oversized official uniform, yours to keep, plus any drugs or prostitutes you're able to score from players.

Your move Marlins.


Rie Bahadur August 31, 2011 at 11:51 AM  

You missed my comment about me being manager so the players could sleep their way to the top... so add me to the list as "offical liasion" to the team :P


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